Kai still has his wolf teeth so I am not even thinking about riding with a bit yet, however I have some doubts and mixed feeling about bits. I have not ridden with a bit for many months and I enjoy knowing that I am not messing with his mouth.

When I was at a different barn I was regularly exposed to bits and was used to seeing them. I was even riding my lease horse (Bailey) with a curb! It was somehow that I became insensitive to the fact that all the horses there had metal in their mouths. Thinking about it makes me feel slightly uneasy. Have we all became too used to bits in general? People just slip a hard, metal object into their horses’ mouths, intending to then put some amount of pressure on it without much thought. Is it right? Is it kind? Is it in the horse's best interest?

An what about riding? Is that kind and in the horse's best interest? Alexander Nevzorov claims that riding and especially bits are extremely cruel.

It is very interesting and eye opening to read and watch his work, however I do feel he is a bit extreme and dramatic. I do still feel that listening to him will make one think hard about one’s principles which is always a good thing. I believe that everyone should always question everything they do when training horses especially when correcting and using more ''harsh" methods.

I think that horses (every horse, not just warm bloods) should be almost 4 or even 5 before starting to ride more intensively to let their bones mature. I think that everyone should be extremely careful about how their saddle fits and how balanced they are as a rider. I think that if one is mindful, one can ride a horse without harming them. One can enjoy a wonderful partnership together that way.

Okay, back to thinking about bits!

I have found that there are two main opinions about bits. One is that all bits are cruel and painful devices and should never be used, and the other is that any bit is fine if one has soft hands and that "it is not the tool it is how you use it." These are the two opposite ends of the spectrum, with most people falling somewhere in between.
I have looked into it and found that bits do somewhat interfere with the horses’ breathing and swallowing. Bits break the seal of the horses’ lips and makes them salivate and try to swallow. It definitely doesn't sound that kind when I think about it.

So why do we need bits anymore if we know how to teach a horse to respond and be ridden without them? Bits were once used to control a horse through pain and fear, that is why ancient paintings and even carousels today have horses with gaping mouths and fear in their eyes, not to mention their hollow backs and tense bodies. With all the training methods out there, with the knowledge that we now have, why do we still use bits? One might say because we want to teach a horse self carriage and collection and bits can teach a horse to give at the poll instead of curl their neck. But self carriage can be taught bitless! Karen Rohlf rides with and without bits and her horses can be equally collected bitless as with bits. She even trained some horses entirely without bits and introduced it a lot later, when the horse was mentally ready.
 
I also heard people say they use bits to "connect better'' or for "refinement." We should be seeking and training to connect and communicate with our horses through our seat, and bits or cavassons are used to gently position the horse's head, not to steer or have leverage or force. This is what the classical dressage masters teach us.

After thinking about it for a long time, I have came to my own conclusion that a bit is not bad but we should be way, way, WAY more mindful using them than we are. I am glad that Kai is five years old and has not been ridden with a bit yet. He needed the time to grow mentally and physically to be ready for me to slowly introduce the bit to him. It is literally in my hands to kindly and mindfully teach Kai about bits and how to respond to them.

Continued from home page

We scheduled the trip for March 19th, however on March 18th we had a really big blizzard and all the roads were covered in snow. We rescheduled for April 20th, but another snowstorm was being forecast! We left in a hurry a day earlier, trying to beat it. We drove, watching the sunset, in high spirits, anticipating the journey ahead. As it got darker and darker it was becoming harder to see our way—it was pitch black and at times mom wasn’t even sure we were still on the main road. I kept reassuring her that we were. Because there were four eyes looking at the road, and we could not have turned without neither of us noticing. We made it to our hotel in Miramichi just after midnight.

The next day I was replaced as Mom’s navigator by our friend Gail whom we picked up at Bathurst, NB. I was very glad she was coming with us because it was our first time horse shopping. It started to snow soon after we left Bathurst. When we reached Campbellton, on the boarder with Quebec, we couldn’t see much. Mom now says that if it wasn’t for Gail remained calm and positive, we would’ve freaked out and stopped right there. It snowed heavily for several hours and we drove very slowly through the snow. At some point we positioned ourselves behind a snowplough, which improved the situation somewhat. If it wasn’t for Gail I would not have made in time for my lesson with Farrah Green, a 3 star Parelli Professional.

When we first walked into the barn and opened the door, Kai (then called Casper)put his nose right into my arms. His owner Marsha really impressed me because she had a grooming kit and cookies ready for me—she must have known that I’d want to groom him right away. Kai was very nosey and curious and wanted to investigate me.

I only had about fifteen minutes with him in the arena when it was time for my lesson with Farrah Green. I had butterflies in my stomach and I didn’t have a good neutral, but Farrah immediately jolted me out of it. Farrah began by getting me to breathe with him during the circling game and after Kai and I connected for the first time, she had me mount up. I had my doubts because I’ve only known him for a little bit, and I would’ve wanted to have more pre-ride checks, but Farrah encouraged me to trust myself and Kai. I had a wonderful ride and felt very connected to him. However I still wasn’t sure if we were meant for each other.

In the next two days and after thinking about it for a long time, I realized that I couldn’t live without him. Poor Mom had a long drive back home, listening to me chattering on and on about him. The only problem was that he had to arrive a month later, on May 15th. Needless to say I was crazy excited and was jumping around for the whole month, waiting. I swear it felt like a year.

Since then, we’ve been progressing slowly and steadily down the path we have chosen and have no regrets. The more time I spend with him the more I love him and the more grateful I feel that I had the opportunity to become his partner. I love how he feeds off my playful energy—he doesn’t get playful by himself, but he’ll mirror me. I love how he ambles towards me and catches me when I come into his paddock. I love how he centers me when I look into his dark brown eyes. Early in the mornings, he looks just like a majestic unicorn. I’ve always known that relationships took time and could never be forced but it wasn't until now that it began to have true meaning for me.

Remember the ball analogy? Right now we seem to be stuck in a pothole, but I have a plan on how to work through it. Like Marijke de Jong says, some times you fall down because you have to find something down there.

With other people’s horses, I always found it very easy to not rush things. However I’ve been having mixed feelings about my speed of progress with Kai. On one hand, things are happening faster than I could blink and I have barely any time to catch my breath. All of the changes, the mud fever, herd dominance issues(Kai and the other horses beating each other up), his diet, his hooves, his health in general. All of this has kept me on my toes. I worry about his physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing. I am doing the very best I can for him and hope that it is good enough.

On the other hand, I pictured having passed a level three online audition by now and working on liberty and natural dressage and doing all the things I spent months researching and planning for his education and wellbeing. I was comparing myself to other people who also got new horses and are already doing such neat things and reaching new milestones everyday. People who meant well have been telling me that now that I own my own horse they couldn’t wait how much I would be able to do with him. I worried that something was wrong with my horsemanship and my relationship with Kai. I understand now that I was putting lots of unnecessary pressure on myself and this resulted in me being subconsciously tense which backfired.

The last three months have felt like a year, but I have to remember that it has only been three months. I decided to start on a clean slate and to find my priorities again as they somehow got lost in all this commotion. 

My first priority is to put the relationship first, no matter what. It will not only hugely benefit Kai and make him feel centered but will also pay off in the long run for both us. As Pat Parelli says, “Take the time it takes so it takes less time,” which is kinder to both Kai and myself. I need to keep in mind that it is always quality over quantity.

Another thing I have learned since becoming his partner is to go with my gut feeling as I have regretted nearly every time I didn't listen to it.

I have made a plan for Kai's education. Parelli Natural Horsemanship will always be my base, but I have also found two other trainers that I feel make the best combination for both me and Kai.  They are Karen Rolf and Marijke de Jong.

There’s nothing wrong with slow and steady and this is how we are going to continue, having fun and learning new things, without comparing ourselves to others. Everyone is on their own journey, and my priority is my journey with Kai. Our progress ball will start rolling and will gain momentum. Until another pothole, that is.